Yeeha! I am feeling so good about my life right now! I've been accepted into BYU's Spring/Summer Visiting Student program- a good way to get my foot in the door at the school I'm determined to attend! I'm going to be living with two of my very best friends in an apartment off campus, and I have a wonderful job that will help me earn the money to get there. BYU-Idaho also accepted me as a New Student, so I have the option of going there in the Fall if I feel it's right. In the meantime, I'm preparing for a mission and my bishop said I can start working on my mission papers in March!
I'm still not 100% positive when I should go on a mission, but I am 99.9% positive that I will go. I'd kind of like to attend a full semester of college in the Fall first, but at the rate of my current income, I won't have money to do that and go on a mission right after. I've got some time to think about it though, and I'm really not worried at all. After all of the miracles I've seen the Lord perform in my life, I am completely confident that if the Lord wants me to do school in the Fall and a mission, the money will come. I don't know how, but there's not a single doubt in my mind that it will if it's what the Lord wants. If not, I'll skip school in the Fall for a mission and money will be provided somehow when I get home to go to school. I have no worries, no doubts, about my future. At this point I feel confident that what needs to happen will happen, and that if I do all I'm supposed to do, and do everything in my power to follow the promptings of the Spirit, my life is in the hands of the Lord and everything will happen as it should. I'm young, but I've certainly lived long enough to see that the Lord cares about me and that nothing is impossible with him. I am SO excited to see what He has in store for me this new year!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 1
There's something about waking up every morning to "Day 1", day after day, week after week, that can make me feel like I'm in that movie Groundhog Day. My first "Day 1" with the purple bracelet went well. It was a little surprising to realize how much I complain and grumble in my head while I'm at work. Did I complain out loud? I certainly did! And I switched the bracelet to my other wrist with a small chuckle and an "oopsy-daisey!" This only happened 3 or 4 times, and, considering how full of negativity my mind seemed to be, I was proud of myself for only voicing my thoughts a few times. I also noticed that about 90% of coworker-to-coworker interaction seems to be gossip or complaints. The hardest part for me was feeling like I couldn't join in the conversation anymore without having to switch my bracelet! How sad is that?
The real surprise came after work, though, when I was with a friend whom I've always considered to be a positive influence on me. After just a few minutes in the car with her I ended up switching the bracelet back and forth more times than I had the entire day at work! And this wasn't because she initiated the negative conversation, either. Looking back, I think the majority of my complaints to her were about myself- putting myself down to be funny. I do that a lot. Comedians do that a lot! Why? I think it's because when a comedian makes fun of his own stupidity, it's a safe joke because he's not offending someone else by calling THEM stupid. I think that's why I never saw the harm in putting myself down for the sake of a joke before- because I wasn't hurting anyone else's feelings. But are they really "safe" jokes?
I think of the low opinion I have of myself most of the time. I tell myself that by laughing about my flaws, it makes them not bother me anymore. And there may be some truth to that, but not in a good way. With this new perspective of words spoken creating reality, I realize that by putting myself down so much, and constantly bringing up my flaws, I'm probably actually making them worse and just shrugging it off. Does it make me happy? No. Does it make other people happy? I know I'd like to think so when the jokes come out of my mouth, but thinking on it now... it really bothers me when people I love put themselves down, even in jest. My friends and family probably feel the same way about me. So that's an area I've been working on quite bit, and I actually have started to feel better about myself, and more motivated to do and become something great- just by not saying the negative things that come to my head about myself! It's crazy how that works, isn't it?
Dr. Bowen, in his Complaint Free World book, says there are four stages a person goes through in their process to become complaint-free. They are 1) Unconscious Incompetence- when you don't realize how much you complain, 2) Conscious Incompetence- when you realize how much you complain, 3) Conscious Competence- when you realize that you are not complaining, and 4) Unconscious Competence- when you don't complain anymore and don't even think about it.
By my second "Day 1", I felt like I had entered stage 2, Conscious Incompetence. At work I struggled to find ways to converse without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing. I found that it was hard for me not to complain with someone else who was because I wanted to relate with them and validate their feelings- make them feel understood. Over the next few days, I struggled with that a lot. How could I refuse to take part in negative conversation without making my coworkers feel judged or misunderstood or uncomfortable? These feelings of mine were painfully validated in the Dr. Bowen's book when he says:
"People tend to run along a continuum in degrees of rarely complaining to constantly complaining. If a person within a group falls too far out of the norm for the group, in time that person will find that he or she is no longer welcome. Again, to look at complaining as a drug, many of us have been in situations where others were drinking excessively, smoking, or doing drugs. If someone didn't go along with the group, the individuals in the group felt threatened. My personal theory regarding this phenomenon is that the individuals practicing the destructive behaviors know they are not making healthy choices and feel this magnified in comparison to the person who is not imbibing. When we're around others who complain more or less than us, it feels uncomfortable. Our vibration levels are different and people of different energy repel each other." Page 54-55 And then on page 57: "Misery not only loves company, it derives validation from it."
I hated feeling like the outsider at work. I've always gotten along so well with my coworkers. I didn't want that to change. So, I'm ashamed to say... I removed that bracelet. Dun, dun, dun! My thinking was that if doing the 21-day challenge meant opening my eyes to, not only MY complaints, but to all of the complaining around me, thus leading me to feel like I needed to choose different company, I didn't want anything to do with it. How un-Christlike that seemed! The Savior never left his friends because they weren't perfect, so why should I?
I suffered several days in this torment. I wondered what was right. I wondered if it was really possible to try to be like the Savior without making everyone else around me feel like I was judging them. During this time, I felt anything BUT sunny and positive!
.... And then one day it just clicked. I was making a much bigger deal of this whole thing than I needed to! None of my coworkers had ever said I was making them feel judged- I'd just assumed it. It was all in my head. And all of that nonsense about "not fitting in anymore" was also ridiculous because I already AM different from most of the people that I work with! I always have been different and I've always loved feeling that difference. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't have a cup of coffee in the morning. I pray over my food at lunch every day. I don't work on Sundays. I am an odd-ball. I love being an odd-ball! I've never judged my coworkers for not being like me before- why would I now? The way I live is already so different from the way they live, why was I making such a big deal about making the way I talk different, too?
After that, the clouds broke and the sun shone through again and everything made sense. Of course I could improve myself without putting others down! I can still love and admire all of the people around me for being the wonderful people that they are, just as I always have! It was after this realization came to me, and I took up the purple bracelet challenge again, that I read Dr. Bowen's method of non-judgmental escape from negative conversation:
"When you are with others and the conversation begins to devolve into negativity, just sit back and observe it. Don't try and change others. If anyone asks why you're not complaining, just show them your purple bracelet and tell them you are "in training" to be a complaint free person," Page 68
This post is getting very long, so I'm just going to conclude with 2 thoughts that I've been focusing on and that keep me going:
1) "Our thoughts create our world and our words create out thoughts."
2) "When you complain, you are actually repelling what you profess to want." Page 56
Actually, I'm going to share the whole quote for that last one, because it's so eye-opening:
"In Illusions, Richard Bach wrote a simple and profound truth: 'Like attracts like.' People who are alike, be they complainers or grateful people, attract one another. And people who are not alike repel one another. We are all energy beings, and energy that doest not vibrate at the same frequency does not harmonize.
"Thoughts, too, are energy. And you attract things that harmonize with your thought patterns and repel things that do not. Your words indicate, reinforce, and perpetuate your thoughts. So when you complain, you are actually repelling what you profess to want. Your complaining pushes away from you things that you say you'd like to have. I know of a group of women who get together each week to 'support one another.' This 'support' consists primarily of complaining about men. From what I understand, their favorite themes are 'men are selfish,' 'men don't want to commit,' and 'you can't trust men.' Not surprisingly, none of these women is able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship with a man. Do they want such a relationship? Sure, but through their complaints they are sending out energy vibrations that 'men are no good,' causing no 'good men' to appear in their lives. They are creating this reality with their complaints."
The real surprise came after work, though, when I was with a friend whom I've always considered to be a positive influence on me. After just a few minutes in the car with her I ended up switching the bracelet back and forth more times than I had the entire day at work! And this wasn't because she initiated the negative conversation, either. Looking back, I think the majority of my complaints to her were about myself- putting myself down to be funny. I do that a lot. Comedians do that a lot! Why? I think it's because when a comedian makes fun of his own stupidity, it's a safe joke because he's not offending someone else by calling THEM stupid. I think that's why I never saw the harm in putting myself down for the sake of a joke before- because I wasn't hurting anyone else's feelings. But are they really "safe" jokes?
I think of the low opinion I have of myself most of the time. I tell myself that by laughing about my flaws, it makes them not bother me anymore. And there may be some truth to that, but not in a good way. With this new perspective of words spoken creating reality, I realize that by putting myself down so much, and constantly bringing up my flaws, I'm probably actually making them worse and just shrugging it off. Does it make me happy? No. Does it make other people happy? I know I'd like to think so when the jokes come out of my mouth, but thinking on it now... it really bothers me when people I love put themselves down, even in jest. My friends and family probably feel the same way about me. So that's an area I've been working on quite bit, and I actually have started to feel better about myself, and more motivated to do and become something great- just by not saying the negative things that come to my head about myself! It's crazy how that works, isn't it?
Dr. Bowen, in his Complaint Free World book, says there are four stages a person goes through in their process to become complaint-free. They are 1) Unconscious Incompetence- when you don't realize how much you complain, 2) Conscious Incompetence- when you realize how much you complain, 3) Conscious Competence- when you realize that you are not complaining, and 4) Unconscious Competence- when you don't complain anymore and don't even think about it.
By my second "Day 1", I felt like I had entered stage 2, Conscious Incompetence. At work I struggled to find ways to converse without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing. I found that it was hard for me not to complain with someone else who was because I wanted to relate with them and validate their feelings- make them feel understood. Over the next few days, I struggled with that a lot. How could I refuse to take part in negative conversation without making my coworkers feel judged or misunderstood or uncomfortable? These feelings of mine were painfully validated in the Dr. Bowen's book when he says:
"People tend to run along a continuum in degrees of rarely complaining to constantly complaining. If a person within a group falls too far out of the norm for the group, in time that person will find that he or she is no longer welcome. Again, to look at complaining as a drug, many of us have been in situations where others were drinking excessively, smoking, or doing drugs. If someone didn't go along with the group, the individuals in the group felt threatened. My personal theory regarding this phenomenon is that the individuals practicing the destructive behaviors know they are not making healthy choices and feel this magnified in comparison to the person who is not imbibing. When we're around others who complain more or less than us, it feels uncomfortable. Our vibration levels are different and people of different energy repel each other." Page 54-55 And then on page 57: "Misery not only loves company, it derives validation from it."
I hated feeling like the outsider at work. I've always gotten along so well with my coworkers. I didn't want that to change. So, I'm ashamed to say... I removed that bracelet. Dun, dun, dun! My thinking was that if doing the 21-day challenge meant opening my eyes to, not only MY complaints, but to all of the complaining around me, thus leading me to feel like I needed to choose different company, I didn't want anything to do with it. How un-Christlike that seemed! The Savior never left his friends because they weren't perfect, so why should I?
I suffered several days in this torment. I wondered what was right. I wondered if it was really possible to try to be like the Savior without making everyone else around me feel like I was judging them. During this time, I felt anything BUT sunny and positive!
.... And then one day it just clicked. I was making a much bigger deal of this whole thing than I needed to! None of my coworkers had ever said I was making them feel judged- I'd just assumed it. It was all in my head. And all of that nonsense about "not fitting in anymore" was also ridiculous because I already AM different from most of the people that I work with! I always have been different and I've always loved feeling that difference. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't have a cup of coffee in the morning. I pray over my food at lunch every day. I don't work on Sundays. I am an odd-ball. I love being an odd-ball! I've never judged my coworkers for not being like me before- why would I now? The way I live is already so different from the way they live, why was I making such a big deal about making the way I talk different, too?
After that, the clouds broke and the sun shone through again and everything made sense. Of course I could improve myself without putting others down! I can still love and admire all of the people around me for being the wonderful people that they are, just as I always have! It was after this realization came to me, and I took up the purple bracelet challenge again, that I read Dr. Bowen's method of non-judgmental escape from negative conversation:
"When you are with others and the conversation begins to devolve into negativity, just sit back and observe it. Don't try and change others. If anyone asks why you're not complaining, just show them your purple bracelet and tell them you are "in training" to be a complaint free person," Page 68
This post is getting very long, so I'm just going to conclude with 2 thoughts that I've been focusing on and that keep me going:
1) "Our thoughts create our world and our words create out thoughts."
2) "When you complain, you are actually repelling what you profess to want." Page 56
Actually, I'm going to share the whole quote for that last one, because it's so eye-opening:
"In Illusions, Richard Bach wrote a simple and profound truth: 'Like attracts like.' People who are alike, be they complainers or grateful people, attract one another. And people who are not alike repel one another. We are all energy beings, and energy that doest not vibrate at the same frequency does not harmonize.
"Thoughts, too, are energy. And you attract things that harmonize with your thought patterns and repel things that do not. Your words indicate, reinforce, and perpetuate your thoughts. So when you complain, you are actually repelling what you profess to want. Your complaining pushes away from you things that you say you'd like to have. I know of a group of women who get together each week to 'support one another.' This 'support' consists primarily of complaining about men. From what I understand, their favorite themes are 'men are selfish,' 'men don't want to commit,' and 'you can't trust men.' Not surprisingly, none of these women is able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship with a man. Do they want such a relationship? Sure, but through their complaints they are sending out energy vibrations that 'men are no good,' causing no 'good men' to appear in their lives. They are creating this reality with their complaints."
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Hitting the Road
"Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking." -Will Bowen
I've heard many statements similar to this one, stating that I am what I think about, and that a man is shaped by the words he speaks. I came across an incredible scripture in John a few months ago that says that words are like food for our spirit- you can either feed your spirit junk or good, healthy words. I've always tried to keep my language clean. I don't cuss. I steer clear of dirty subjects (most of the time). I avoid entertainment that has a lot of profanity. I've always considered myself to be pretty good about speaking healthy words.
I tend to get a little lazy and grumpy during the winter. Something about all the cold and darkness just seems to suck the energy right out of me until I feel like a blob of gray that can only roll around in search of food and warmth. Never mind going to the gym- it's hard enough getting out of bed for work! As for fruits and vegetables? My stomach laughs at the thought of such things as I consistently reach for the empty carbs: steaming pasta, warm breads smothered in butter, milky chocolate, toasted pastries with fruity fillings, chunky broccoli cheddar soup and succulent pork loin in a sugared apple sauce. As my waistline expands, my self-image shrinks until I'm embarrassed to be alive. "Poor me!" I cry between handfuls of leftover Christmas candy, "I feel like poop-on-a-stick and I don't have the self-control to do anything about it!"
I caught myself in the middle of a complaint-fest at work the other day. It surprised me, when I stopped and replayed the last five minutes of the conversation I was having with my friend, to realize that it had been nothing but negative comments about myself, my surroundings, and my life. I pointed this fact out to my friend apologetically and quickly moved on to talk about something positive. I excused this situation as being out-of-the ordinary for me because I'd just been having a bad day. When I caught myself in the same situation again the next day and the next week, I laughingly said to my friend, "Wow, I'm sorry, I complain a lot, don't I."
I fully expected her to deny it. She wouldn't do me the dishonor. She shrugged like a good friend, searched for the right words for a moment, and then said, "It's ok. You've been having a hard time."
Ouch.
Not ouch because what she'd said was rude or unfriendly. Ouch because the truth hurts: I am a complainer.
"It's the winter," I comforted myself. "I'm only complaining so much because I turn into this little beast in the winter. I'm not really like this all the time."
Am I?
Now I come to think about it, I find plenty to complain about in the Summer, too. I complain about the heat, about how I look in shorts, about how I look in a bathing suit, about how I eat too much ice cream, and blah, blah, blah.
It's silly, isn't it? Yes, it is. It's very silly.
So if it's true that I am shaped by my thoughts, and that I become what I think it seems reasonable to say that if I can get myself to naturally think what I want to be, I will become that. If I want to be a positive, upbeat, healthy person, I need to think like one!
Therefore, my goal for 2011 is to be a positive, complaint-free woman by the end of the year! Call this my happy blog, my appreciate-life blog, positive weight-loss plan blog, my goal-setting blog, my encourage-others blog, my just-because blog! ...But where do I start?
In his book, A complaint Free World, Will Bowen states: "Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking." His philosophy is that if we get into the habit of speaking positively, it trains our minds to start thinking that way as well. So my first plan of action is to tackle Bowen's 21-day challenge to become complaint-free in word.
The challenge is this: I wear a purple Complaint Free World bracelet throughout the day and try to go 21 days straight without complaining, gossiping, or criticizing. If I catch myself doing any one of those three things, I switch the purple bracelet to my other wrist and begin all over again.
I started the challenge on Monday. Now it's Thursday and I actually did make a full 24 hours complaint-free!... Until I slipped and had to start all over again. Gargh. But that's ok! Because if I can do it once, I can do it again! Brace yourselves, folks, I'm hittin' the road to positive-thinking!
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